Communication Timing

Timing is everything; even when it comes to communication. I was having a really bad day yesterday and it seemed to coincide with the day that EVERYONE wanted to talk to me. My Blackberry was not working properly, my internet was down, my computer froze, and I had someone who owed ME money telling me that I owed THEM money. I had twice as much work to finish as I could possibly complete. It was just one of those generally irritating days. In the midst of this, my phone rang off the hook with problems. People I haven’t talked to in months decided that yesterday was the day to call. My husband, mother, son and daughter all called within 30 minutes of each other. They all had problems I needed to resolve. During several of these calls I was sitting in a lengthy traffic jam. As the problems piled on, my patience grew shorter. It was not a good day to get my undivided and positive attention.
This all reminded me of the importance of timing when it comes to effective communication. Don’t you hate walking into the office in the morning and have someone hit you with a problem before you even make it to your desk? That’s bad timing. How about if you want a raise; would you ask your boss when she is clearly in a terrible mood? Would you decide to interrupt and begin explaining some detailed assignment to your colleague when he is fully engaged in another project? Here’s a favorite; how about waiting until you are fighting mad to resolve an important conflict with your co-worker? We all know that anger makes us stupid, yet we choose to battle our most important battles when we are angry.
If you ignore timing, you may present a fantastic idea, with all the right facts and emotion, yet still have it shot down. If you had waited a day, the same idea might have been approved. People do not make purely logical decisions. That would be too easy! Our emotions often take over our reactions. So if you present an idea to me when I’m having a bad day, I am likely to find all the potential problems and holes with your plan. On a good day I might view your idea as interesting and inspiring.
Good communication involves some logical thought and curbing impulsiveness. Consider the other person’s current state of mind, time schedule, and emotions. It is in YOUR own best interests to wait till the timing is right. Don’t let a bad day spoil a great idea.

You Should Have Listened To ME!

Do you ever feel this way? Like, if everyone would just LISTEN to you, the world would be a better place. The subject could be politics, religion, family matters, or how to run a business. I do sympathize with you and know that indeed it is exhausting to always have the answers but not the power of persuasion. You might like one of George Carlin’s quotes:

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”


Let me make a suggestion that might help you out. I’ll start by admitting that I don’t really have all the answers. Actually, I’ve realized that the more I learn, the more I think I need to learn.
George Carlin’s quote seems just perfect for many situations. But every now and then, try something new. Consider Stephen Covey’s famous quote:

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

One of the keys to communication, including persuasion, is to LISTEN. Often, there is not one best answer. I know it often seems like there is only one answer, but this mindset shuts down communication., and that won’t help you much at all. What seems “right” depends on your perspective, assumptions, experiences, skills, personality, family background etc. etc. You already know what YOU think. Trying being quieter and asking questions. Listen, really listen, rather than search for weaknesses in their argument. Instead, let your goal be to understand. The understanding and information you gather will help you formulate your own comments that will greatly increase your power of persuasion. If you truly practice the art of active listening, you might even alter your opinion on the topic. Maybe not! But, it’s a possibility. You will also have made the other person feel heard and hopefully understood, which makes them more open to listen to YOU.
Remember also that famous saying:

Wise men (and women) are quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

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